i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
