I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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