There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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