He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Congratulations! We have a period
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
