I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize