By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
