In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
