You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize