Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
