I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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