How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
