I'm going to jail i love you
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
