I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
