if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I lost the right to judge tonight
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
