I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
