do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
