Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
