I accidentally had phone sex last night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
