I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
