Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
