plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
