we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
