This girl is more easily done than said...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
