I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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