It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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