Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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