Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
