'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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