tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
