How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
