I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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