At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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