How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize