Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
