my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
