Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
