you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
