Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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