So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
