used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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