Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
