how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
