Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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