I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
