i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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