his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
