I got chris browned last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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