I CAN MOONWALK!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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