I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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