girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
