I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
