At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
