I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
