I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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