See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
