She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
