Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
