He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
