I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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