3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
