But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
