Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
