You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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