im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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