I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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