Soap is not a condiment
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
