can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
