Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
