I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
