I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
