Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
