You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
