If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
