i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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