I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
