someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
