i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You are the jesus of drinking
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
