Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
