Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
