hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Randomize
