the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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