I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
