I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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