And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Pants are for mortals
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
