Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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