he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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