Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
