Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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