worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
