So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize