why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
