Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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