1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if you like me you must not know who I am
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
