I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
