I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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