so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize