If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
