I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize