So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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