I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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