Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
