just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
