Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize