i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
