I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
