Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
