any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
