I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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