There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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