Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
