i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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