Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
