i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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