There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
